Those of you that have seen me speak about professional conduct, or have ever worked with me have long known about my stand on facial hair. Unless you want to slow your career development, stay clean shaven. While the studies on facial hair and income or career success are spotty, here is my own observation: As I have had a chance to attend conferences full of top income earning entrepreneurs and business professionals, you see far less facial hair per capita than you would see in Walmart or IHOP. There is nothing wrong with Walmart or IHOP, just there is no hurdle to clear to be at Walmart or IHOP. And in these unique high-income circles (high hurdle) I see a lot less facial hair. While that includes a beard or goatee, it may also include things like wearing jeans when a suit is the standard or getting a tattoo on your neck. Getting into the top 1% income brackets and building freedom to do what you want in life is hard enough, we should not add to it the difficulty of obstacles that we put in our own path. If you do not have the income or time freedom that you want, you should not indulge yourself in trivialities that can take away from your career development.
That having been said… I grew a beard. You might wonder why given I work in a heavily regulated industry and I make an offer to people that is built on high degrees of trust along with the fact that I have built a national identity through my book, podcasts and interviews (Forbes, Entrepreneur, Inc) all of which portray me as a clean-cut professional. So why did I grow a beard? Because my wife wanted it.
You see a couple of years ago I realized that what I care most about, is making sure that my marriage works well and my kids get a chance to see a healthy marriage.
You see a couple of years ago I realized that what I care most about, is making sure that my marriage works well and my kids get a chance to see a healthy marriage. So I do not worry about what other people think about….
- How I dress, I want my wife to think I am attractive
- My haircut, I want her to feel like I am presentable
- My physical fitness level, I don’t care about winning a marathon, I care about having enough energy to play with my wife and kids in a way that serves my longevity.
- And she has always wanted me to have facial hair… so now I have a beard.
Choosing to submit fully to your spouse in some area has to be done strategically. For instance, I went without a beard for many years until my income and business created enough success that my family is not threatened if I do loose a speaking opportunity, a client or strategic relationship. I have been hyper vigilant about this because when you lose an opportunity because of how your present yourself or your conduct, no one sends you a memo, they simply move on. When building the life you want, you want to be sure that something you do in one area does not hinder another key area that matters to your family.
Allow me to give an example. Growing this beard in my 20’s would have hurt my marketing and career opportunities and slowed the business trajectory that we now enjoy as a family. If my wife wanted me to wear board shorts and flip flops every day, doing so would eventually significantly impact my income, change where we can live, the opportunities I could provide and the amount of financial cushion I can create both today and in our old age. I cannot, nor should you, abdicate your responsibility for your area of your marriage (your role as the primary income source) to simply give your spouse what they want, though you can use what famed marriage author William Harley calls The Policy of Joint Agreement. To be sure that you are caring for what your spouse cares about, without unintentionally compromising the entire family’s future.
As my wife and I began to assess what it was that we wanted our life to look like last July, we choose to reflect on areas of our life we had long given up on. For instance, Kristen asked me to grow facial hair and I always said no, I had to keep growing the business (see the first paragraph). We now realize that if at this stage of my business, we can afford a hit that a beard might cause (waiting for hate mail from facial hair devotees).
After a few months I am finally getting comfortable having a beard, though what it has done is reminded me to focus on my relationship with my wife and my family above my own concerns, even when we are not together. Now anytime I see my beard in the mirror throughout my day, I am thinking of my wife, my marriage and my commitment to both.
Let me encourage you to reflect on what area you have held as important to you that you could submit to your marriage and allow your spouse to have what they want. When you share this article with your friends and your spouse, share what area of life you have been keeping to yourself that you might now try to hand over to your marriage.
What is the “beard” that you need to grow?
We look forward to your comments below.
